(Fiction Friday) Sir Easter Bunny

(Note: If you are still visited by the Easter Bunny and tumbled onto this post by accident or while trying to find great things about him, look somewhere else, this is NOT for little ones. It is technical stuff, you know like math and science. )

Over at Write Stuff, they post ideas for us to wax poetic or spout out or whatever we wish. This weeks idea, in their words:

Pick a mythical person or creature (e.g., Santa, Thor, Easter Bunny), and explain through dialogue, essay, or anything else, why they are unhappy with their job or position in life.
Please, read mine, but then jump over and check the comments on their post to get links to other wonderful stories or poems, you just won't believe how these famous people really feel! What tumbled out of my head:

Things have to change!

. . . as told by the future Sir Easter Bunny

"Easter Bunny"

"Oh, Mommy, I want the Easter Bunny to come visit me and leave me lots of stuff."

I am so sick of hearing them call me a bunny. Do I look like a bunny? I am a rabbit, more on the lines of a Bugs Bunny, you know, with personality, strength, cunning, cleverness. Yes, I know, he even had bunny in his name -- but he was a rabbit in all senses of the word, not so mamby pamby bunny. He only allowed them to use Bunny as his TV name because they paid him big bucks! No, not bucks, like male deer, bucks! You know, money. I deserve the respect of being called, Sir Easter Rabbit. I bet if Queen Elizabeth knighted me, that would stop those mealy mouthed kids from calling me The Easter Bunny.

"Oh, Jackson, look what the Easter Bunny left me, I got chocolate and a bunny to hug and bubbles and crayons and toy trucks and. . . "

Jackson bit his lip and felt his feet fidgeting, well, as much as feet could fidget and still hold him upright. "That's nice, Marshall. Wanna play with the trucks?"

"No, let's play with your toys. What did you get? A plane or a fishing pole?"

Jackson answered without telling the truth, "I got a plane AND a fishing pole, but I left them at my grandmother's house."

Now, I am also sick of just being a figure head, like some celebrity star that does nothing but smile and let their picture be put on the billboards and in the TV. Yes, I am one, too. I know it, but when I signed on to this, I thought I was going to be more, I thought I would have total control over Easter morning gifts.

What do you mean, I must be daft to think the universe would give me that kind of control? Why wouldn't it?

What? It works like that? I had no clue.

Well, that is not how it should work. And why should all those kids get all those toys they just ignore or throw at each other or break - just because they can - when those other kids like Jackson get nothing. . . and then find themselves lying about it. Jackson knows better than to lie - his grandmother told him all about lying and telling fibs and cheating on spelling tests and how bad it all was. . . And, you know what, she is going to be awfully disappointed that he lied, 'cause he did get something for Easter, she made him his favorite breakfast, the one they can't afford. She went out and bought a piece of ham, real ham, not that canned stuff with all the junk inside the can, you know that slimy stuff that oozes all over your hands like clear glue. Yuck.

But you know what else, it will break her heart that he didn't get stuff, even though she knows he doesn't get all that stuff.

And you know what else? They will all blame it on me, say the Easter Bunny didn't bring him anything, the Easter Bunny played favorites, the Easter Bunny gave him more, the Easter Bunny is a pansy. AARRRGGGGHHHH, I can't take anymore. These parents all buy into it, they come up with the lamest excuses for buying all that crap.

I'm not a pansy, either, I am Sir Easter Rabbit. And on my honor, I promise that if a campaign is ever paid for to change my name, I will personally see that each child gets the same thing, and only from ME, not from those parents. At least ONE HOLIDAY everyone would be equal.

Yeah, you're right, I am dreaming, but hey, I am rabbit.

Remember, our stories are just drafts, but then on my site that is all you will read anyway. Told as the words flew out of my head onto my keyboard, no sitting for long periods of reflection, just free flow.

And, you , that one or two dishonest person(s) out there who aren't real bloggers, but just hunters for stuff to copy, don't. My words are crazy enough only to be written by me, not you, they aren't a good fit for your site....

The rest of you, great people, thank you for reading!


d.challener roe said...

I really like the EB as a powerless figurehead. This was very original.

bluesugarpoet said...

Not only is he a raving rabbit, but he is a "knighted" rabbit - clever!

~willow~ said...

Nice! I'm confused, though - so Sir Easter Rabbit doesn't really *do* anything, he's just a "powerless figurehead" as d.cr says? Then how is he going to back up that boast of ensuring everyone gets something, the same thing, if his name gets changed?

btw - I like the slight detour exploring how and why kids lie even when they know they shouldn't, all in order to save face... It's great that Sir Easter disagrees :-)

pjd said...

I'm with d.challener on Sir Easter's position being original and clever. I kind of expected you to take the route down the believe/not-believe path, but this was good. I think Sir Easter should be careful what he wishes for, though... he'd be responsible for coloring and hiding all those eggs every year!

Jeff said...

Hello Marcia,

Who would have thought that the Easter Bunny, Oh, excuse me, Sir Easter Rabbit would have so much personality? I liked your story good job!

Enjoy Life!

Tammi said...

Poignant topic in a funny (if you'll excuse the pun) furry tale. The image of, as Dale calls him 'powerless figurehead' is brilliant in this piece and I think that Willow makes a very interesting point in that this figurehead may be making promises that he can't keep.

GarthTrekker said...

A very democratic bunny, er, rabbit. lol, Lyn from Bloggin' Outloud

Damien said...

I didn't know the Easter Bunny was of royalty??? Hmmm. Better get better J beans for him next year ;) Nice, humorous little piece of writing. Perfect for a blog post.

Rose Dewy Knickers said...


To: Sir Easter Rabbit

From: Production Head

Dear Sir,

We regret to inform you that Easter has been cancelled to due the lack of interest in your services. Please return your fluffy tail to the nearest retirement home for ex-mythical figures.

Thank you



lissa said...

I guess maybe the easter bunny wants a new job.

jeni said...

Please relay to Sir EB that we are very sorry. The kids here have a tendency to run away at the mouth. I promise I'll keep them in line next year.

But can I have some bubbles?? :)

A GREAT read. Thanks!

Damien said...

I tagged you for a meme!

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